3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
