At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
