is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
