so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
