Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
