his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
