I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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