Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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