Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
