Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
