Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't deserve a penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
