On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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