The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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