Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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