The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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