I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
