I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
