You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
