Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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