I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
