She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
