i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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