You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
