No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
