i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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