Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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