i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
be right there i have to get my cape
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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