omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
