Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
