Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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