i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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