oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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