All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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