I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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