Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
