They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
