My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
