Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
