i barfeds in our rink
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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