i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
