you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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