You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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