no, he came in my armpit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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