This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
