Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
