I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
