I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
