i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
