we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
