Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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