are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
