does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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