he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
