So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
