Pants 0. Shit 1.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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