I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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