I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
