I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
