Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
