a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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